When Condiments Attack!
by lilRACCOON
Summary: This is definatley gonna be one of the strangest stories you've ever read. One day someone sends the TITANS a gift. But what is it? And now food keeps attacking them! It's DONE!
1. PEANUT BUTTER!

This is my first story. I'm aiming for HUMOR, so don't be surprised to see some weird things, but moving on. This story is aimed to be like a giant episode of Teen Titans. Kinda like a TEEN TITANS MOVIE. So we'll skip the previews and cut straight to the chase. Disclaimer: Roses are red. Violets are blue. I don't own TEEN TITANS and neither do you! ~**~**~** [Currently: Beast Boy is terrorizing Cyborg by stealing his diary. Terra, and Starfire aren't really doing anything, and Raven is meditating as usual. Robin isn't in the tower right now.]  
  
Beast Boy: I got the stupid book!  
  
Cyborg: Gimme that! It's my diary! [Everyone looks at Cyborg.] I mean, uh, gimme the remote.  
  
Raven: What do a book and electronic device have in common?  
  
Beast Boy: Nothing!!!!!!  
  
Cyborg: Gimme it you little fly!  
  
Beast Boy: If you say so! [Beast Boy transforms into a fly and buzzes around Cyborg's head]  
  
Cyborg: I'm gonna squash you!  
  
[Back to human] Beast Boy: Gotta catch me first! [runs off]  
  
[Robin walks in with a box and Beast Boy dashes over.]  
  
Beast Boy: Alright! Must be fan mail from one of my many admirers.  
  
Raven [reads label]: It's for all of us you idiot.  
  
Cyobrg: Who's it from?  
  
Robin: It doesn't say.  
  
Starfire: What is fan mail? Is it good?  
  
Terra: Duh.  
  
[Cyborg opens the package. They all peer in side and everyone but Starfire does the anime sweat drop. Inside are 6 jars of Skippy peanut butter.]  
  
Raven [sarcastically]: Oh boy. I think I'll make a sandwich.  
  
Starfire: Yes! I shall fetch the bread and condiments.  
  
Terra: She's not gonna put some peanut butter on a hot dog do you?  
  
Robin: With Starfire? You never really know... She might be packing a picnic...[He follows her (Starfire).  
  
[Different shots go around the house as the theme song starts on the movie. The way it does on POKEMON ya know? The theme song goes on while they're having a battle. Anyways screen shots of the house with the theme song.]  
  
[Starfire is struggling to carry a bunch of food. Robin is doing his best to help. It all falls on top of them. Cyborg is still chasing Beast Boy everywhere. Terra is just chilling until Raven makes her help get revenge on Beast Boy and Cyborg. They're is chasing after Beast Boy and Cyborg for knocking Raven's door (not to mention other part's of her and Terra's rooms') down during their mad childish chase.]  
  
[The theme song ends and Raven done with her chase, Cyborg has his 'remote' back, and Beast Boy opens a jar of peanut butter]  
  
Terra: How can you eat that?  
  
Beast Boy: It's really good.  
  
Terra: What if it expired?  
  
Beast Boy [with a full mouth]: Peanut butter doesn't expire. [Beast Boy looks at the bottom.] It's doesn't expire 'til November. [Terra snatches the jar and peels off a tag.]  
  
Terra: It says 11 – 4 – 98. This peanut butter expired 6 years ago!  
  
Beast Boy: Expired. Me and expired peanut butter DO NOT like each other. I had a jar of expired JIF once... I was hurling for weeks... and I haven't eaten JIF peanut butter since...  
  
[Starfire returns with 3 baskets]  
  
Cyborg [finally holding a book that says 'Cyborg's Diary']: Mustard?  
  
Starfire: Yes. It will be an exellent beverage to go along with our sandwichs and peanut butter.  
  
Beast Boy: No! I have issues with expired mustard.  
  
Terra: I thought it was peanut butter...  
  
[Everyone does the anime sweat drop thing]  
  
Starfire: but this mustard is not expired.... I think...  
  
Robin: Let's just go to the park... ~**~** Park Raven: Please tell me that you didn't bring that peanut butter.  
  
Beast Boy: I 'm saving it for when we get back to the tower.  
  
Raven: Whatever.  
  
Beast Boy: Hey Terra! Do you want a tofu dog?  
  
Terra: I totally respect that you don't eat meat, but please, respect that I do not eat fake meat.  
  
[Starfire flies over with another box labeled: To: TEEN TITANS From: The same person that sent you the peanut butter. Starfire blasts it open and takes out green moldy mustard.] Starfire: WONDERFUL!!!!  
  
Cyborg: Beast Boy: EW! [Beast Boy takes the mustard. He throws it behind himself. Hitting theground, the jar cracked open and a giant moldy mustard monster comes out.] Preview on Ch. 2~~ Starfire: Mustard! Glorious! Now we may feast upon as many tangy green beverages as we wish!  
  
Terra: That's obviously not what you think it is Starfire.  
  
[The mustard monster starts covering the park with slime. Starfire continues to stare delightfully at it, but then the fight begins. Starfire is trapped. The monster shoots at Starfire.  
  
Robin: Starfire move! ~**~**~**~** Summary of Ch. 1: The Titans recieved expired peanut butter from a fan. Everyone is going crazy. They end up at the park, and when anotoher gift comes from the peanut butter person, it turns out to be just as disgusting as the last.  
  
Well...that's it...for now. :p. There may be a few questions that you're asking yourself. What is the giant green tangy beverage, what does peanut butter have to do with all this, and why am I (as in me!!! The writer) so crazy. Well... I can answer 1 of 3 questions. Why am I crazy? Well, I have a theory. 'Ya see, when I went on vacation to DISNEYLAND PARIS (in paree of course) I hit my head on the corner of a window, hard. I was wearing a bandage for weeks. I think it was some fancy French wood and it hit my brain. Every since I've been a little obnoxious, talkative, and just plain stupid. So, until the next chapter Just sing this little Spongebob Squarepants song form: THE SPONGE WHO COULD FLY- You don't need to plane to fly, Plastic wings may make you cry, Kites are made for windy days, Lawn chairs with balloons... fly away! Inflatable pants, you may as well skip If you want to fly all you need... is friendship... yeah... ~**C ya!!!!!!! P.S. I eat a lot of sugar.... be warned enemies of me... but I have none, yet. You could be the first... O well... C YA!!!! 


	2. MUSTARD!

[The slimy mustard monster starts covering the park with green mustard. Starfire continues to stare delightfully at it, but she is knocked out of her trance.]  
  
BAM! Slime hits Starfire.  
  
Monster: [laughing hysterically]  
  
Raven: Azarath Metroin Zinthos! [The slime lifted off of Starfire.] Robin: Didn't your mother teach you not to hit girls? (A/N it's always necessary to add in one of Robin's little saying before a fight.) Titans GO! [So the fight begins, but the monster continues to advance on Starfire.]  
  
Cyborg [holding the monster back]: I dunno what you did to make this thing mad Star, but you might wanna apologize!  
  
Starfire [faintly]: I am sorry...  
  
Starfire is trapped. The slime monster shot a huge blast of purple slime at Starfire. The violet slime hits the street beside Starfire and oozes through the ground like acid. It shot another blast of acid headed Starfire's way, and this time it didn't look like it'd miss.  
  
Robin: Starfire move!  
  
[Just in time he pushes Starfire out of the way, and they seemed safe. But suddenly the ground began to crack. There was a small earthquake as the monster stomped loudly. Still, it was headed at Starfire.]  
  
SLAM! [All the other Titans shut their eyes. When they opened their eyes again the scene was terrible. Starfire and Robin couldn't be found.]  
  
WHAM! Huge flashes blew up in the monster's face. The flashes were followed by starbolt barrage. It could only be-  
  
Beast Boy: Robin!  
  
Terra: and Starfire!  
  
[Starfire flew down and bringing Robin down with her. The monster exploded. Every piece of slime drained down into the sewer.]  
  
Beast Boy: Well, there goes a perfectly good expired food.  
  
Raven: Let's just get back to the picnic.  
  
[Terra spreads real mustard over a hot dog, and you can only guess what happens next... FWHAM! It all explodes in her face.]  
  
Everybody: laughs  
  
Chapter 3 Preview ~~~~  
Terra: I heard there's a nice little cafe down the street. We can eat down there!  
Titans: Sure [At the Cafe] [Beast Boy looks at the long list of deserts, and drools. They order their food. Tons of deserts are on the table.] ~~~~~~~~~~ All the ice cream toppings join together to become an ice cream condiment Beast Boy: Why does food keep attacking me!!!!!! I'll never eat again!!!!!!!!!  
[There is a giant monster made of ice cream toppings]  
  
Everything considered a condiment- Ice cream topping, whipped cream, ketchup, mustard, relish, mayonaise, peanut butter [?], jelly, sugar, syrup 


	3. AGENT009

3rd chapter! 3rd chapter! 3rd chapter! C-h-a-p-t-e-r, 3rd chapter! Let's GO!!!!!!!!!! Ch. 3~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~** [Terra wiped the mustard from her face.] Terra: I heard there's a nice little cafe down the street. We can eat down there.  
Titans: Sure  
  
[They begin to walk away, but Beast Boy looks back.]  
  
Beast Boy: Who's gonna clean that up?  
  
Terra: A janitor... ....  
  
All: Yeah, sure, whatever....  
  
[At the Cafe] [Beast Boy looks at the long list of deserts, and drools. They order their food. Tons of deserts are on the table.]  
  
Raven: What exactly did we order?  
  
Cyborg: I dunno I can't find it. [sticks this hand into something gooey. Cyborg pulls his hand out and it's covered in melted ice cream.] What?  
  
Starfire: What is that? [pokes it. A small raccoon comes out and squirts Robin's face with syrup.]  
  
Beast Boy: What is that thing?  
  
Terra: I think it's a Raccoon [The turtle spits sticky syrup in her face.] Ew. [The lights FLASH off and then back on. The Titans were the only ones there. Except one girl. Her skin was pale and her eyes were blue. She had shoulder length shiny brown hair. She was dressed in a pair of shorts and a dark green belly shirt.]  
  
Girl: Come here she said. [The raccoon came to her.]  
  
Beast Boy: Who're you?  
  
Girl: I'm Agent009, but some prefer to call Raccoon! My dad is the boss of a condiment factory! It's my job to dispose of leftover and expired packages. I can control them as well as a;ll of nature! I can also talk to Raccoons!  
  
Raven: Ok.  
  
Agent009: *snaps fingers* [They all disappear and reappear at Titans Tower.] And I brought you some gifts!  
  
[The tower is buried in boxes of conidments. BAM! A kechtup monsters jumps out of a box!]  
  
Titans: *Scream*  
  
Agent009: Don't you like it!  
  
Titans: NO!  
  
Agent009: TOO BAD! [Boxes start glowing and tons out condiment monsters pop out!!!!!!] MWAAHAHA *choke, cough* I can't do evil laughter...  
  
Titans: *anime sweat drop*  
  
Beast Boy: You sent us the peanut butter?!  
  
Robin: And the mustard?!  
  
Agent009 [happily]: Yup!  
  
Beast Boy: Because of you I may never eat again!!!!!!  
  
Agent009: Yeah, uh, sorry about that...  
  
Monsters: *growl*  
  
All: AHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Agent009: BAD MONSTERS! BAD MONSTERS! [They are chased around TITANS TOWER. Agent009 floats up.] Well, have a nice time with your gifts. See you later! [Agent009 leaves.]  
  
Titans: NO! ~~~~~~~~~~~****************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~************ The end!!!!! Yup that's right! It's the end! My story ends with  
  
I'd like it if you'd review. And if you do review then I'd like it if you give me some suggestions. Ya know things you like, things you don't, suggestions all that stuff? Got it?  
  
Everything considered a condiment [in this story]- Ice cream toppings, whipped cream, ketchup, mustard, relish, mayonnaise, peanut butter [?], jelly, sugar, syrup, and other stuff too!!!!!!! MY favorite word is GO!!!! So, main idea is that different foods keep on attacking the TITANS and in the next chapter[s]. The criminal shall be revealed! 


End file.
